Tell me lies tell me sweet little lies

I know I'm a bum for being absent from the blog world in a whole. I haven't posted any blogs, read any blogs or so commented on any blogs. I haven't even thought about logging on. The truth is I've been down, conflicted...ehhh, let's just say I've been all over the place. Somedays i'm up and some days i'm down! I am quite the moody girl. I want to be happy all the time. I don't want to be like one of my bosses that has an eternal smile on his face even when you know something isn't right but, i do want to be able to smile without my face hurting.

But i have problems...Yes, like others, i don't seem to know who i am completely. I sometimes lie to myself. I don't like it but the truth is that it helps. Admitting this is a huge step for me. I started thinking about it this way. If i want other people to be honest with me why would i lie to myself? I mean why couldn't i come up with that before? Did it really have to take me 30yrs to figure out that lying is bad. Ok, so that's out of the way but, it brings in a host of other problems. Now i can't...no scratch that, i won't lie to myself and therefore HAVE TO fix the other stuff that is wrong with me.

So little time...