Happy B-day

Today is my brothers birthday. He passed away last year and i have been really feeling it for the past month.

Today I woke up and did my usual routine but felt empty. See, last year I missed his birthday. I was supposed to visit him and didn't. When I finally saw him again it was in a hospital bed and he had been in a coma for 3 weeks. He never fully came to again and i have to say I'm feeling some guilt. My Mom says I shouldn't because i was there for him while he was sick and still here. But, I can't help it. I couldn't see him then and i can't see him today either. It almost feels like sacrilege. I should have gone to the cementary and I should have seen him on his b-day then but, whatcha gonna do.

I was actually able to have a moment where i wasn't making my brows or face frown but i couldn't fake it for long. I'm not good at faking.